The Gutman Group

Dear reader, we hope you are enjoying mooching off of all our hard work, because we are certainly not having much fun providing it to you. If you like the content on this site then to subscribe to our RSS feed and follow us on Twitter...or risk being poor forever. Consider it like insurance or something...

Ethnic stereotypes are considered to be demeaning to races and holding back the evolution of mankind. They are believed to be destructive, hurtful and, for the most part, factually unfounded. And I completely agree.

BUT, while everyone else is out battling the stereotype disease, why not step aside and instead of fighting them, embrace them and use them to your advantage? Why not learn from the mistakes and character traits of others and make some big fat moneybags as a result?

This article will go over the prominent ethnic groups in the United States and their average income levels (provided by the United States Census Bureau) and will then explain the reasons why this is the case using typical stereotypes as portrayed by the media. Then, using this information, you can adopt the character attributes that make these ethnic groups rich and work on getting rid of the character traits you share which tend to make them poor.

If this article doesn’t get me sued, I don’t know what will!

Although the original survey shows statistics only from Asian, White, Hispanic and Black households, I went out of my way to gather all the information I could find about all the prominent ethnic groups so that I don’t risk offending anyone by leaving them out by offending absolutely everyone instead (now that’s using your noggin’!).

But before I start I should probably explain how I came to writing this rather controversial article…

Why researching things makes you do bad stuff

While doing some research for another article I came across a rather interesting survey conducted by the United States Census Bureau and their findings about the average American’s income, particularly about the part comparing income levels by race.

As soon as I saw this survey I just KNEW that I had to write something about this subject. Now, as I sat there and thought of what to write I was hit with a rather interesting dilemma, especially considering the whole subject of racialism [sic] is a rather touchy one and tends to be something people sue others over.

Then I took a look at the sidebar on the right of the screen with all the celebrities “quoted” on how awesome this site and myself are, all of the pictures that I stole from other websites without giving proper credit along with all my quips at various people around the world and figured, hell, what’s one more suing magnet going to do?

So, I had the option of either going all out in this article and throwing in all the racially stereotypical jokes I could fit on to one (extremely long) page while potentially offending millions of people or I could tone down the content and respect everyone’s differences while providing sound financial advice…I chose to do the former.

About the numbers

Originally, the Census Bureau’s income survey only covered White (79.5% of American population), Hispanic (15.4%), Black (12.8%) and Asian (4.5%) households but I felt that the prominent ethnic groups of Indians and Jews deserve sections of their own considering how much they are singled out, especially in the media.

The income of these ethnic groups (in order of highest to lowest) goes as so:

Jews: $80,000

Asians: $64,238

Whites: $52,423

Indians: $51,094

Hispanics: $37,781

Blacks: $31,969

I will go over each ethnic group separately in order to figure out why their financial standing is where it is… so let’s get started!

The Jews

Median Income: $80,000

Famous Jews:

Typical Stereotypes

• Very “careful” with money (I have approximately 945 three-hundred pound sacks full of pennies that I picked up off the street over my lifetime)
• Excellent money managing skills (who wouldn’t want an accountant that goes by the name of Goldberg?)
• Educated (33% of New York University, 30% of Harvard, 30% University of Pennsylvania and 25% of Cornell University consist of Jews)
• Make great doctors and lawyers (rather lucrative positions)
• Answer questions with other questions (Case in point: Some Guy: “Why do you always make fun of celebrities in your articles?”, Mr. Moneybags: “Why NOT make fun of celebrities?”, it is also a good business trait to have for innovation purposes)
• No matter how sad a story you tell a Jew, he can top it (the average person feels more comfortable giving money to someone that looks more pathetic than they do)
• Suck at sports (thus while all the children are out playing soccer, the Jewish children stay home and file tax returns…but also have to say goodbye to ridiculously high sports contracts, although they do make great team owners)

What you can learn from Jews: Saving your money is good, investing it is better, always ask questions and don’t look physically threatening

The Asians

Median Income: $64,238

Famous Asians:

Typical Stereotypes:

• Score a perfect 1600 on the SAT (and ultimately get accepted at the best Ivey League colleges which tend to lead to extremely high-paying jobs)
• Are extremely hard workers (and are thus able to maintain amazing grades or tirelessly run their own business ventures)
• Apply to and be accepted by 27 colleges along with scholarships for all (and thus don’t have to spend their first years out of college paying off tens of thousands of dollars of college loans)
• Hobbies consist of studying, studying, playing the violin or piano and studying (getting good grades doesn’t come easy…and at least they can enjoy some sweet tunes while they’re at it)
• Tend to start their own small businesses
• Are amazing at math (who did you always go to for math help back in school?)
• Are bad drivers
• Lead the healthiest lifestyles out of all other ethnic groups (and ultimately don’t end up spending half their time fighting off diabetes or coronaries and the other spending their money on McDonald’s)

What you can learn from Asians: study hard, work hard, be healthy and get a good education

The Whites

Median Income: $52,423

Famous Whites:

Typical Stereotypes:

• Cannot dance
• Are lazy
• Are obese
• Are responsible for global warming
• Drive pick-up trucks
• Are addicted to fast-food
• Are either extremely smart or extremely stupid
• Only speak one language…barely
• Are easy to make fun of
• Make up for their negative aspects by getting a good education and/or making lots of money (are the second highest-income and second most-educated demographic in the United States after Asians)
• Own the world (actually, just the major superpowers such as the United States and most of Europe)
• “Jack of all trades, master of none”

What you can learn from Whites: Eat healthy and exercise, be environmentally friendly, get a good education  and learn how to dance (it’s good for social occasions!)

The Indians

Median Income: $51,094

Famous Indians:

Typical Stereotypes:

• Are highly educated (about 64% of Indian Americans have obtained a Bachelor’s degree versus 28% nationally)
• Dominate the medical field (there are close to 35,000 Indian American doctors)
• Eat extremely spicy food (and thus have strong stomachs, a useful trait to have)
• Are master price negotiators (‘nuff said)
• Negotiate prices where prices cannot be negotiated
• Seem to always be on the other end of the customer support line

What you can learn from Indians: Get a good education, become a doctor and always argue prices – always

The Hispanics

Median Income: $37,781

Famous Hispanics:

Typical Stereotypes:

• Many family members living in one household (at least you get to save on rent and housing expenses!)
• Tend to work menial jobs such as landscapers or maids
• Are lazy (despite working extremely hard jobs)
• Are uneducated (under 9% of Hispanics having a bachelor’s degree versus 26.1% for Whites and 43.3% for Asians)
• Have diets consisting primarily of rice and beans
• Enjoy vibrant colours (and thus stand out and garner all the attention, a good networking skill to have)
• Lick their lips before they fight (I wouldn’t want to fight someone that does that!)
• Drive old cars and listen to loud music

What you can learn from Hispanics: getting an education is important, new ways not to spend money and how to stand out from the crowd

The African-Americans

Median Income: $31,969

Famous Black People:

Typical Stereotypes:

• Are amazing at sports (and thus get all those ridiculously high sports contracts)
• All listen to rap (and have the potential to become rappers earning millions of dollars)
• Love fried chicken (then again, who doesn’t?)
• Love watermelon (again, who doesn’t?)
• Tend to be gang affiliated
• Are uneducated (at half the rate of Whites)
• Are poor (have the highest rates of poverty among all ethnic groups)
• Are really tall
• Are “well-equipped”
• Are the greatest jazz musicians
• Are great lovers of bling

What you can learn from Black people: education is vital to success, don’t join a gang and being good at sports pays well

How to get rich by being racist

After comparing the major ethnic groups in the United States we see that the wealthier ones tend to have the following attributes: are highly educated, are hard workers, are careful with money and negotiate everything. The lower income groups tend to be uneducated, are not hard workers and tend to be involved with crime.

Then again, that doesn’t mean that members of one ethnic group can’t have the same attributes of other ones, especially considering that many stereotypes are factually unfounded. Despite whether the stereotypes we have come to accept (or are still viciously fighting) are true or not we have to remember that there are always exceptions to every case, each ethnic group has amazing success stories as well as certain members whose existence they would prefer to ignore.

It’s also good to remember that the bulk of my information comes from the way these ethnic groups are portrayed in the media through stereotypes which aren’t necessarily true, although I did try to backup some of the harsher observations with statistics so that no one sets my car on fire. And you thought my stance on global warming was controversial!

In the end, if you want to be the ultimate racial money-making machine you are going to want to adopt the following skills from each racial group:

• The money managing prowess of the Jews
• The work ethic of the Asians
• The ability to control everything by the Whites
• The negotiating skills of the Indians
• The saving skills of the Hispanics
• The physical attributes of the African-Americans

And then you will be the ultimate money-making, world-dominating machine.

So, go get dominating!

Some random posts you might enjoy: